Is it me? It must be because I have seen other parents let their kids run wild in restaurants.I feel like a mother hen doting on my kids; I sit watching their every move and ask them to say please and thank you to the waiter or waitresses. I feel so guilty when they make a mess and I try to cleanup after or group before we leave the table. And, unless the service has been terrible I always try to tip at least 20 percent on the total bill not just the pre-tax amount.

I want my children to sit politely, to say please and thank you, to smile, and not get out of their chair unless they need to use the restroom. I think that watching and doting is the best way to do this and I hope that all of this pays off.

My parents were strict with us when we went out to dinner. We were polite and never ran wild. I just hope that I can instill some of those values to my kids. There are other things that I slack off on. I do not make them clean their rooms right now or pick up after themselves. I do not make them fold laundry or do dishes... yet. But I want them to present themselves as clean, good natured, polite members of society. Young people that you might like to meet and speak with not, "Oh my god those kids are terrors."

Diapers changed... Check

Good morning cuddles... Check

Watching a stupid monkey destroy an even dumber man who exclusively wears yellow, destroy a new carpet in an animated format... Check

You really have to love kids television. The life lessons that are presented just warm the heart and instill a slight lingering fear that those very same scenes might be re-enacted in the home.

Nah. Can't happen.

I am excited for Angela! She is going to her first BlogHer convention in New York, New York.

She has never been there and really doesn't enjoy big cities so we will see how this all pans out for her. She can't wait to meet some of the people that she follows and I hope that she has an amazing, wonderful time there. She will be missed here at the homestead but we will all plug along for a few days without her.

It was funny, the other week Angela was talking to her mother on the phone and they were discussing her impending travel to the convention... Her mother wondered how I was going to be on my own with three children and her 'gone!' I had to laugh. Angela's mother knows full well that I am the one who takes care of the kids all day. I am the one who cleans house and cooks the meals and does most of the shopping with and without the children in tow. It makes me shake my head that even though Jan (Angela's mom) knows this intellectually, she still falls back on old stereotypes when a quick thought passes.

Times are changing and men are not the bumbling, brutish, know-nothings that earn a paycheck and then collapse on the sofa or special armchair. I love being the one the girls come to at all hours. I love cooking and get a sense of real accomplishment when the house looks good and toys aren't in all the hallways and covering the rooms. It will take another generation possibly for the intrenched attitudes to change, but I think that they will change. 

The events in Colorado the other night are a terrible tragedy. I pray for the families of the people who died and for those who are still in the hospital. Life is so short and you really never know when and where you could meet your end. It really makes you appreciate the people and the time that you have.

I have read of several people that used themselves to shield a loved one or their children from harm during that rampage and I am amazed at the courage those people exhibited and wonder if I would be able to do the same thing. I would like to think so. I would like to think that my love for my children and wife would help me overcome the abject terror of being in that type of situation. I guess you don't know until faced with it.

Well I will sign off and try and get this sinking, sick feeling out of the pit of my stomach and live life hoping something like the Aurora, Colorado shooting never happens again.

Staying at home as a man in this day and age doesn't seem to hold the stigma that it might have in decades past, but it still holds a bit of a stigma in my own mind. Its funny, the contradictions that run through your head as you change the diapers for the third time that day or get the girls into their seats for lunch; I love being here and I love being the one that takes care of everyone, but am I doing the right thing?

I went through four years of college to earn a degree and another two to get a Masters that I am not using and might never get to use because of the economy. I wanted to be an academic librarian but universities and colleges are downsizing. There isn't really anywhere to go right now. My other problem is that I have been a stay-at-home dad now since our son, Nicholas, was born in 2006. Any contacts or references that I had after Library school have essentially gotten stale. So from a professional standpoint I am a no go as far as hiring.

All of the above aside I love being here for the girls during the day. They are a joy from their big smiles and jumping in their cribs in the morning, to the cuddles in the evening when it is time to go to bed. They are so different from their brother it just is amazing to me on an almost daily basis.

My rant for today...

I, unfortunately, live in the politically blighted state of Florida. The sunshine, saltwater, and beaches do not help the fact that the voters of this state elected a Governor that is willing to allow the less fortunate in this state to suffer and possibly perish because of political ideology that is not even in step with main stream American political sentiment (read: those people who cannot pull themselves out of poverty by their own bootstraps).

The Obama administration and Congress enacted a law in 2010 that changed the way in which healthcare will be provided in the near future. It establishes healthcare for nearly, if not all, of Americans. This great State and its leader have decided that they will ignore federal law. Not accept federal funding for healthcare initiatives and prepare for the full implementation of the law in 2014.

This effectively means that people with preexisting conditions such as cancer and COPD, conditions that require a great deal of care and money, will go virtually untreated. This effects low income and indigent people, not the wealthy members of our society. These individuals will now suffer through untreated cancers and diseases and ultimately die.

I was always under the impression that this country was founded on the principles of life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness? I wonder if this came with the unspoken caveat, "But only for those lucky few who could afford it."

I believe there is a God. I believe in the teachings of the Catholic church and I am under the impression that many other Americans have similar beliefs. Christ was a champion of those who could not help themselves. His ministry started with the poor and those who had no real voice in the communities of the day. He taught that the meek will inherit the kingdom of God and that it was easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to get to heaven. If the people who voted for Rick Scott and the Republican lead legislature that enables Scott to move forward with his ultraconservative, business friendly agenda, have similar beliefs in Christ and the teachings of the bible, then I wonder why they have forsaken their core beliefs?

It must be ok to let people suffer. It must be morally right to allow men, women and children to die of awful diseases. I have a different view of what is morally right and the principles upon which this country was founded. I may very well be wrong. I may be deluded into believing that all human beings deserve respect and care. But, I truly and sincerely hope that I am right. Protecting the wealth of individuals and business DOES NOT MEAN abrogating our responsibility to defend and protect those who cannot defend and protect themselves.

I wonder if Jesus would feel that Governor Scott was doing the right thing?

Dealing...

I have an amazing family. My girls are practically brand new and I can't get enough of them. My son is an amazing, curious, and sometimes frustrating five-year-old. My wife works and helps out around the house as much as possible; things are going along pretty good.

But, my father is dying and I don't know how to deal with this. It isn't a problem I can fix. I can't talk through it and I feel frustrated, angry and very, very sorry for myself. My father and I have had some issues over the years, most of which occurred when I was a teenager and a young adult. As I have gotten older he has been a great friend and a person I could count on to give me an objective opinion about the issues I brought to him. He has been there for me and my family when we needed him He is also an intensely private individual and I feel very uncomfortable talking with him about his end of life care.

He has what amounts to COPD. His lungs are very full of scar tissue and do not transfer oxygen to his corpuscles the way they should. He is also a very big man and has had weight problems all of his adult life. All of this causes him to be a very poor candidate for lung transplant surgery. He has no options left as far as a cure and his disease is progressive. He has lately been getting much worse, much faster than I believed he would. This has also taken him by surprise and I believe that he is still in a denial stage of grief.

I can't talk to him about this. I am hoping that my wife will be able to. Angela is an amazing communicator and has the ability to make a problem a teachable moment. She can analyze the root of the issue and use a level head to make her point. I believe that my father, may in fact, listen to her, where he would not listen to me, my sister or his wife.

I want his passing to be as pain free as possible, I want him to have his family around him and to understand that he is appreciated, cherished and loved. I hope that he will not spiral down into a depression that makes his last months or days a miserable battle to hang on in the face of the inevitable.

Americans don't deal very well with death. Our healthcare system keeps people alive that in many cases would never have had a chance. It brings back accident victims and cancer patients from the very brink of death. But, there are some times and some diseases that medicine can do nothing for. I am going to try to deal with this in an intelligent, caring, and rational manner. I have a faith that I can lean on and friends that I know will be there for me. It still feels to soon to be loosing him.

I need to really get into the habit of posting more often. Well, the girls are almost a year-old now and they have really matured and grown. I love being at home with all of the kids, even as Nick gets ready to head out into the world of public school (he starts kindergarten in the fall).

The girls continue to amaze as the grow and mature. Twins are magical and wonderful to watch. These two infants interact in so many ways that single children their age have trouble with. They are already sharing and playing together. They still have their moments of egocentricity but more often than not they sit together and move together and just have a blast checking out their toy boxes.

The new thing now is pulling everything out and standing up behind their play table then pushing it around the room. We initially had some concerns about their fine motor and gross motor development. The girls were delayed crawlers; they had developed a very nice low crawl or soldiers crawl, but they have now decided that they can move so much faster on hands and knees. They are pulling up on everything and are cruising along the couch and other furniture.

Well so much for the update on the girls growth. I still cannot find a job to save my life ( a job that pays enough for me to afford day care for two one-year-olds) and we might now have to move out of this house we have been in for 5 years due to such a substantial loss of value over the last few years. We bought at $89,000 and the last thing we were told was that this house would sell for about $51,000. Our mortgage company will not deal with us until we are at least 60 days past due. We would like to see if a write down is possible or if we can even do a short-sale. Things are really up in the air for us right now and that is a very uncomfortable place to be.

Staying home with the kids...

I have been a stay-at home father now for the last 4 years. I was the primary care-giver for my son Nicholas and now I am primary care-giver for my new daughters Lilianna and Gabriella. I love the time that I get to spend with them and I love watching the changes as they grow.

That being said, I really am starting to miss the conversations of adults that don't revolve around children and their issues. I need to get back into the work force and of course I have chosen the worst time since the Great Depression to try and find gainful employ. This is very depressing. I find it very difficult to sit here day after day and realize that we, as a family, are slipping further and further into debt; that even affording the simple roof over our heads has become a challenge.

Angela, my wife is still not really in primary wage earner mode I think. She seems very comfortable in her 35k a year job. She has to start thinking about moving up in some way and making more money. If I was the wage earner I would be expected to advance myself as much as possible to maximize the money i was taking home to increase the buying ability of the family. I don't begrudge her, her satisfaction at her current position, but I do worry that things are going to get even worse very soon for us.

I need to find a job. My masters in library and information science was completed in May and I can't find anything here. The local university is not hiring a recent graduate with zero library experience. And, I can't afford to go and get a job making less than 34k a year in order to pay the ridiculous prices for child care for 2 infants (actually more than our entire mortgage).

My rant is done for now.

First trip with the girls to Grandma and Grandpa's house.

When we had Nick it was easy as pie to load him in and get going. You make sure that you have all of the stuff that might possibly be needed if something happens. Cloths, diapers, formula and bottles, wipes, bibs, burp cloths, etc. A real laundry list. But, this was manageable with one baby. We now have two little girls that require twice the stuff and twice the planning and it is very hard for just one parent to get them ready and organized and out the door in a reasonable amount of time.

I think the bottom line here is that we will effectively be late for the foreseeable future. Sorry to all who expect visits from us.

They are worth it though that's for sure. They make me feel more complete.

Its been a while since my last and only post. I have changes to report. The family has now grown by two little girls. The twins were born back in May on the 21st. It was amazing that we got pregnant again and then to find out that Angela was carrying twins... WOW.

Like lightning from the blue that news had us rethinking lots of things in our lives. How would the work situation workout? Would one of us stay at home and I was in a Master's program for Library Science and needed to now finish early. So much to think about. (will continue later)

Well here goes something...

My wife has been asking me for a while now to start a blog and talk about the things that happen to me. She blogs herself and really enjoys using her blog as an outlet for the thoughts that run through her mind. She also uses it as the main communicatio0n device for keeping friends and family up-to-date on the things that are happening to us as a family.

There are three of us in our little family unit; me, Thomas; my much better half, Angela and my son, Nicholas.

Angela and I have been married for over 13 years and everyday it gets better and better.

Nick has been a true blessing from God and he is wonderful. watching him grow has been amazing and since I am the one that stays at home with him I get the most time with him. Seems a little unfair to Angela but she likes to be the one that works. She needs a lot more human interaction than I do. I like people but I also like to be apart from them much more than she does. So all in all things are working out great for all side involved.

Well I will stop here for now and write more in a little while.