Dealing...

I have an amazing family. My girls are practically brand new and I can't get enough of them. My son is an amazing, curious, and sometimes frustrating five-year-old. My wife works and helps out around the house as much as possible; things are going along pretty good.

But, my father is dying and I don't know how to deal with this. It isn't a problem I can fix. I can't talk through it and I feel frustrated, angry and very, very sorry for myself. My father and I have had some issues over the years, most of which occurred when I was a teenager and a young adult. As I have gotten older he has been a great friend and a person I could count on to give me an objective opinion about the issues I brought to him. He has been there for me and my family when we needed him He is also an intensely private individual and I feel very uncomfortable talking with him about his end of life care.

He has what amounts to COPD. His lungs are very full of scar tissue and do not transfer oxygen to his corpuscles the way they should. He is also a very big man and has had weight problems all of his adult life. All of this causes him to be a very poor candidate for lung transplant surgery. He has no options left as far as a cure and his disease is progressive. He has lately been getting much worse, much faster than I believed he would. This has also taken him by surprise and I believe that he is still in a denial stage of grief.

I can't talk to him about this. I am hoping that my wife will be able to. Angela is an amazing communicator and has the ability to make a problem a teachable moment. She can analyze the root of the issue and use a level head to make her point. I believe that my father, may in fact, listen to her, where he would not listen to me, my sister or his wife.

I want his passing to be as pain free as possible, I want him to have his family around him and to understand that he is appreciated, cherished and loved. I hope that he will not spiral down into a depression that makes his last months or days a miserable battle to hang on in the face of the inevitable.

Americans don't deal very well with death. Our healthcare system keeps people alive that in many cases would never have had a chance. It brings back accident victims and cancer patients from the very brink of death. But, there are some times and some diseases that medicine can do nothing for. I am going to try to deal with this in an intelligent, caring, and rational manner. I have a faith that I can lean on and friends that I know will be there for me. It still feels to soon to be loosing him.